After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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