arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
