I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize