I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
