great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
