I think I died a long time ago.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
