Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found puke in my bra..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
