You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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