no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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