everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish there were birth control emojis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And then my night got REAL pukey
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
