So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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