Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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