Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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