Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
