You really coming over, don't trick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina is officially offended.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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