While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
