If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...