White coat. Heels.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he just fucked me for my cheese..