I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking