Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.