i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire