Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
