Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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