I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
