She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
