If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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