my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize