I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
