We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
