Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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