i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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