my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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