It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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