dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
