But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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