you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
