I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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