you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
