I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
worst night to have a conscience
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
