I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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