to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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