Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
