His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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