There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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