By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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