I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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