My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My bed smells like the plague
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
