just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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