It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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