Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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