I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
