JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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