I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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