Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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