Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
