If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
