Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
